Being Momma is not always easy

Well as most of you know we have had a terrible time with illness in 2007 and unfortunately 2008 is not off to a great start. Carter has had 5 ear infections within 8 weeks. He has been so sick and snotty the poor little guy does not even remember being healthy. Unfortunately it has also affected his sleep he wakes up all through the night and is terribly fussy and I mean can you blame him I know his ears are hurting terribly. Well today we went and saw the ear nose and throat doctor and we are now scheduled for surgery on January 11 to get tubes put in his ears. He also has a condition they call glue ear which means his ears are full of thick puss that is the consistency of glue, so they will drain all that out before placing the tubes in his ears. It makes me so nervous knowing that he will have to be put under anesthesia but I want him regain a normal life with normal hearing. At this time he has not lost any hearing and I am so thankful for that. So 5 ear infections, 10 antibiotics, 2 steroids, 2 bottles of ear drops, many sleepless nights, and a million breathing treatments later we are headed to get tubes in our ears!

Happy Holidays!

Well this time of year always proves to be so busy. It doesn't matter how tired or sick you may be the show must go on. Kiddos are getting so excited about opening presents and teachers are getting so excited about Christmas break!!!! We only have 9 days of school left and then 2 weeks of much needed vacation. Ian's only dream for Christmas is to have a Wii under the tree from Santa and as most of you know the search has FINALLY ended!!! Thanks to my cousin who works at Wal Mart we are finally guaranteed that Santa will bring a Wii. We had a service at church today that focused on Mary. This time of the year is so amazing to think of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As I sat through communion this morning with boys on both sides of me I thought of all the blessings God has bestowed upon my life. Sure we have had an extremley rough year with very difficult decisions to make, but praise God I have him to walk beside me through this amazing journey of life. Hope you are all ready for your holiday season! It is definelty upon so make sure that the shopping gets done, Christmas carols are played, and most of make sure to thank the Lord for all the blessing you have in your life.

"The First Day"

Well tomorrow marks the first day of school. From a teacher's point of view it is weird to say that I am nervous. I mean you always know that the kiddos are nervous because they are going to have a new teacher or teachers and they don't know whose class their friends will have. But hey it is actually just as nerve wracking for a teacher. I am excited about meeting my new kindergarten students, but at the same time know that when they walk in tomorrow we are going to be starting at square one! We will have to learn to walk in a line down the hallway, recess rules, how to eat in the cafeteria, how to follow rules in the classroom, some of them being away from mom and dad for the first time. So needless to say I am a little nervous!

Now on the flip side I am also nervous for Ian my sweet baby starting kindergarten. It seems like he was born just yesterday and now he is starting kindergarten. He is such a shy bug and it makes me so nervous for him. He doesn't like big groups of people and especially if they are strangers, so I know that tomorrow is going to be hard for him. So all in all we are a house full of nerves and excitement tonight. I have just finished packing our lunches, laying out our clothes, and getting all those brand new supplies packed!!!! So with that I will sign off. I will let you know how Ian and I do with our first day jitters!

Settling right in!

Well our new addition Bella or also known as Bella Boo has been with us for 6 days! She has settled right into our everyday life. Now don't get me wrong we are still working on tee teeing outside, but she is actually doing pretty good. Some of the reasons I know she is settled in 2 nights ago she cried until we took her out of her kennel so she could go be in bed with us! She snuggled right up between Ian and I and slept the rest of the night! She tries to play with Carter by trying to snip at his hands and feet when he is flailing them all around! When someone is in the kitchen and makes even the slightest noise she comes running! She lays in my closet on my robe anytime I am in the bathroom just like Simon did. Ian follows her and carries her everywhere! She has cleaned all the toys and balls out that were under the furniture!!! She hasn't mastered the stairs yet, but has managed to get all the way up them once(although she was shaking like a leaf by the time she got done!). So needless to say we are in love with Bella. Everything she does reminds us of Simon but she has filled our house with lots of joy and reminded how much fun puppies are! Even Jeremy is quite smitten with her! She loves to lay on the couch with him and rest it is so cute!!!! So needless to say after only 6 days she is now a part of our family and fits right in!!!! So a big thanks to my mom for bringing Bella into our lives she is a blessing!

Why do you need a vacation after a vacation?

Well we are back from all our trips! But can you tell me why you need a vacation after a vacation? I mean we had so much fun and we just went and and went, but when we got home I was exhausted! I mean I was feeling sick and then on top of that I was exhausted. The good news is my stepmom showed up and took both the boys, so Jeremy and I crawled into bed(our own bed not a hotel bed!!!) and slept. I didn't get up for like 7 hours. The good news was I felt better when I woke up and was actually somewhat rested. Although I just now unpacked our bags. They looked like so much work today, so thought I would just look at them a little longer. So now they are unpacked, but all the news clothes we got the boys are folded in chair yelling to be put up! So tomorrow I have to conquer all the laundry.....won't be fun but we won't have any underwear if I don't get it done!!!! Well guess I will sign off for the night and go to bed!

My 2 sweet angels in Heaven

Sometimes life seems so unfair. After hearing about our good friend Heather from LPC message boards miscarriage it brought back so many memories. Having two miscarriage before having Carter my heart just breaks anytime i hear of someone having a miscarriage. It is such a hard loss to experience. My heart hurts so bad for her and her family and there is absolutely nothing I can do to support her except to be there for her when she needs to talk. Losing a life that was growing inside of you is so incredibly hard. You feel raw and empty. You ask why, what if, how come, and I wonder so many times that you drive yourself insane. I can remember with my first miscarriage I was 6 weeks along and I picked Ian up from the babysitter, before we left I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I immediately went into panic mode, got Ian, and drove straight home to call my doctor. My nurse had me come in and have a blood panel done but said we would not know the results until the next day at 10am. I remember laying in bed that night sobbing because I was so scared and I was still bleeding. Jeremy went and got me Thai food(my favorite) and laid in bed with me playing Yahtzee to try and take my mind of it(of course it didn't but it made me feel so loved that he would do this for me). Later that night Jeremy dozed off and I got up went to the bathroom and was still bleeding. At 2:00am I passed a huge clot that I knew was our baby. I laid in the bathroom flooring sobbing and wondering what should I do next. The next morning my doctor called and said that with the report of my blood panel I was experiencing a miscarriage and after I told him what had happened he said I had already passed the baby on my own. The time after my miscarriage was so hard. Praise God for my husband, wonderful family, and great friends. I took a few weeks off of work to spend time with Ian(who was 3 at the time) and heal.
Three months later by the Grace and Glory of God we found out that I was pregnant again and due in April. I remember feeling so scared, excited, worried, and so many other emotions. After many tests, ultrasounds, etc. my dr. assured me so far so good. We were ecstatic at this point still nervous but happy. Around mid September I had made it through my first trimester and was definitely starting to show. My cousin was getting married that upcoming weekend and I had some weird discharge, so I decided to be cautious and call my dr. My nurse told me to swing by after work and we would check the heartbeat since I was leaving town. So I did by myself and nobody knew I was going because she said there was nothing to be worried about. I remember my dr using the doppler to find the heartbeat and he couldn't fine it, not worried he pulled in an ultrasound cart and was looking for the heartbeat I knew at this point he was concerned. The nurse then pulled in another ultrasound cart to do a vaginal ultrasound and it was then that he told me that my baby was perfectly developed at 13 weeks but the heart had stopped beating. I will never forget sitting there with the drape over me alone knowing that my miracle baby had died. The nurse called my husband who in turn met us at the hospital where we had a full ultrasound to make 100% sure and got pictures of our sweet angel that is now in Heaven. I remember laying on the table looking at the babies perfect arms, legs, and head and wondering why and what had gone wrong. My DNC was scheduled for the next day, so we went home and once again had to suffer through a long night but this time knowing for certain that the sweet life that had grown inside of me that we created had died. It was so hard to lay there and know that the next day they were going to take my baby from me. I would never hold him, kiss him, or hear him say mommy. I also was so devastated to know that we had to tell our now 4 year old son that not only had we lost 1 baby but now we had lost 2. I had my DNC and then took a month off work to once again spend at home with Jeremy and Ian. It was a very hard month learning to grieve, cope, and continue to be a mommy and wife at the same time.
It's so hard to know why things happen in our life. We know that God has a plan and we know that things happen for a reason but the one big question of Why will always be in the back of your mind. Other peoples lives went on and I saw pregnant women and babies everywhere I turned and I felt that I was being punished. Now a year and half later I know that had those things not happened I would not have my sweet precious miracle Carter that I hold in my arms everyday. He is our blessing baby the one that I have longed for so many months. After our family has grown through both of these devastating loses I feel that we have a much stronger family bond and that Jeremy and I have an even stronger marriage than we did 2 years ago. I didn't know I could ever love him more but the love and support he gave our family when we were going through these difficult times amazed me.
I will always think about my 2 sweet angels, but then I also praise God everyday for the 2 precious boys I have to hold and love everyday. I know that one day when I walk through the gates of Heaven my 2 angels will be there waiting for me!
So before I sign off tonight I send up a special prayer for Heather and her family as they cope and heal with this terrible loss. And all the other women out there that have had to experience this same loss or the loss of not being able to have children at all. Our God is an awesome God and in those words we have to trust our God.

A Mom's Taxi

Well thought I should post while I have a minute. Tonight Ian has lots of stuff going on which of course means a busy night for mom the taxi driver!. First stop is a birthday party for a couple of kiddos that our famliy is real good friends with. Second stop (at 8:30 I might add!) Ian has a tball game. He plays on the Timber Rattlers. He is absolutely in love with tball and I am so glad because he is kind of a shy kiddo sometimes.
So unfortunately the party won't be too much fun at first because Ian is SO shy and usually we go to a bday party and he sticks to me until it is almost time to go and then he if fine. Bless his heart it just takes him so long to get warmed up and feel comfortable and then we he does it is over.
Then off to the ballgame where he truley does think he is the "big man on campus". He goes up to bat while cheesing at his cheering section the whole way! Then when he gets a run he runs on homebase and then once again cheeses at his cheering squad again! It is so precious. Now the first time he got called out at 2nd his heart was broken and mine too, I felt so bad for him. I know I know it is only a game, but my sweet baby got called out for the very first time in his life and he was devasted and yes to answer your question I did have tears!
Guess I better freshen up and change out of my comfie clothes and head to our night full of events! Good weekend to all!!!!!