I have replayed my blogging comeback many times over the past few weeks. I have no words that can express how or what I feel appropriately. However the thing that continues to weigh heavy on my heart is time. How do you measure it? How do you make sure that you embrace every moment? How do you know if you have enough? How do you know when time is up?
So many questions have whirled through my head on time. In a matter of 2 years my life has drastically changed. My husband has proven to be a survivor and beaten cancer which we pray everyday will not come back. I lost my brother and his wife in a tragic accident. Just as time began to heal our hearts our family has faced yet another life changing experience. My dad has been diagnosed with brain cancer. Our lives have changed our time has changed. I hold on to every moment not knowing if it is my last. I realize after all these life altering experiences that tomorrow may not be like today. It all comes back to time for me. I want to spend as much time with my dad and I want my kids and husband to do the same. When you face a terminal illness such as what we are facing you don't know how much time you have. The doctors can guess and you can look at a loved one and know if they are feeling good or bad, but you don't know how much time you have. As we walked into this journey I vowed to myself that I would savor every single moment with my dad and with my family. No regrets, no looking back and saying we should have. I want my boys to have every memory they can have. I want to feel my dads hand on the back of my neck as many more time as I can. I want to feel him squeeze my hand and kiss my check as many more times as God will allow. I want to see my boys crawl in his lap and smile a little while longer. My dad has said as a family we will accept Gods will because that is what the bible tells us to do and we will. I know it will not be easy and I know some days are harder than others, but what I do know is that we have TIME and we will enjoy every single moment of it that God allows us to have together.
Running
9 years ago
3 comments:
I think of you and your family often Jill though we have never met IRL . Some of us walk a walk that no others seem to with one challenge after another . You learn to live in the moment and treasure each and every one of them ... and put our hands in a higher being ! Life is not about the moments we take but the moments that take our breath away ! Cyber hugs and prayers coming your way !
Praying for you Jill!
I don't know how I found your site, but my mother was just diagnosed w/ a glioblastoma stage IV in July. I would love to hear your story. feel free to email me at:
joy_wrenn@yahoo.com
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