Saturday, July 28, 2007

Why do you need a vacation after a vacation?

Well we are back from all our trips! But can you tell me why you need a vacation after a vacation? I mean we had so much fun and we just went and and went, but when we got home I was exhausted! I mean I was feeling sick and then on top of that I was exhausted. The good news is my stepmom showed up and took both the boys, so Jeremy and I crawled into bed(our own bed not a hotel bed!!!) and slept. I didn't get up for like 7 hours. The good news was I felt better when I woke up and was actually somewhat rested. Although I just now unpacked our bags. They looked like so much work today, so thought I would just look at them a little longer. So now they are unpacked, but all the news clothes we got the boys are folded in chair yelling to be put up! So tomorrow I have to conquer all the laundry.....won't be fun but we won't have any underwear if I don't get it done!!!! Well guess I will sign off for the night and go to bed!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

My 2 sweet angels in Heaven

Sometimes life seems so unfair. After hearing about our good friend Heather from LPC message boards miscarriage it brought back so many memories. Having two miscarriage before having Carter my heart just breaks anytime i hear of someone having a miscarriage. It is such a hard loss to experience. My heart hurts so bad for her and her family and there is absolutely nothing I can do to support her except to be there for her when she needs to talk. Losing a life that was growing inside of you is so incredibly hard. You feel raw and empty. You ask why, what if, how come, and I wonder so many times that you drive yourself insane. I can remember with my first miscarriage I was 6 weeks along and I picked Ian up from the babysitter, before we left I went to the bathroom and there was blood everywhere. I immediately went into panic mode, got Ian, and drove straight home to call my doctor. My nurse had me come in and have a blood panel done but said we would not know the results until the next day at 10am. I remember laying in bed that night sobbing because I was so scared and I was still bleeding. Jeremy went and got me Thai food(my favorite) and laid in bed with me playing Yahtzee to try and take my mind of it(of course it didn't but it made me feel so loved that he would do this for me). Later that night Jeremy dozed off and I got up went to the bathroom and was still bleeding. At 2:00am I passed a huge clot that I knew was our baby. I laid in the bathroom flooring sobbing and wondering what should I do next. The next morning my doctor called and said that with the report of my blood panel I was experiencing a miscarriage and after I told him what had happened he said I had already passed the baby on my own. The time after my miscarriage was so hard. Praise God for my husband, wonderful family, and great friends. I took a few weeks off of work to spend time with Ian(who was 3 at the time) and heal.
Three months later by the Grace and Glory of God we found out that I was pregnant again and due in April. I remember feeling so scared, excited, worried, and so many other emotions. After many tests, ultrasounds, etc. my dr. assured me so far so good. We were ecstatic at this point still nervous but happy. Around mid September I had made it through my first trimester and was definitely starting to show. My cousin was getting married that upcoming weekend and I had some weird discharge, so I decided to be cautious and call my dr. My nurse told me to swing by after work and we would check the heartbeat since I was leaving town. So I did by myself and nobody knew I was going because she said there was nothing to be worried about. I remember my dr using the doppler to find the heartbeat and he couldn't fine it, not worried he pulled in an ultrasound cart and was looking for the heartbeat I knew at this point he was concerned. The nurse then pulled in another ultrasound cart to do a vaginal ultrasound and it was then that he told me that my baby was perfectly developed at 13 weeks but the heart had stopped beating. I will never forget sitting there with the drape over me alone knowing that my miracle baby had died. The nurse called my husband who in turn met us at the hospital where we had a full ultrasound to make 100% sure and got pictures of our sweet angel that is now in Heaven. I remember laying on the table looking at the babies perfect arms, legs, and head and wondering why and what had gone wrong. My DNC was scheduled for the next day, so we went home and once again had to suffer through a long night but this time knowing for certain that the sweet life that had grown inside of me that we created had died. It was so hard to lay there and know that the next day they were going to take my baby from me. I would never hold him, kiss him, or hear him say mommy. I also was so devastated to know that we had to tell our now 4 year old son that not only had we lost 1 baby but now we had lost 2. I had my DNC and then took a month off work to once again spend at home with Jeremy and Ian. It was a very hard month learning to grieve, cope, and continue to be a mommy and wife at the same time.
It's so hard to know why things happen in our life. We know that God has a plan and we know that things happen for a reason but the one big question of Why will always be in the back of your mind. Other peoples lives went on and I saw pregnant women and babies everywhere I turned and I felt that I was being punished. Now a year and half later I know that had those things not happened I would not have my sweet precious miracle Carter that I hold in my arms everyday. He is our blessing baby the one that I have longed for so many months. After our family has grown through both of these devastating loses I feel that we have a much stronger family bond and that Jeremy and I have an even stronger marriage than we did 2 years ago. I didn't know I could ever love him more but the love and support he gave our family when we were going through these difficult times amazed me.
I will always think about my 2 sweet angels, but then I also praise God everyday for the 2 precious boys I have to hold and love everyday. I know that one day when I walk through the gates of Heaven my 2 angels will be there waiting for me!
So before I sign off tonight I send up a special prayer for Heather and her family as they cope and heal with this terrible loss. And all the other women out there that have had to experience this same loss or the loss of not being able to have children at all. Our God is an awesome God and in those words we have to trust our God.

Friday, July 13, 2007

A Mom's Taxi

Well thought I should post while I have a minute. Tonight Ian has lots of stuff going on which of course means a busy night for mom the taxi driver!. First stop is a birthday party for a couple of kiddos that our famliy is real good friends with. Second stop (at 8:30 I might add!) Ian has a tball game. He plays on the Timber Rattlers. He is absolutely in love with tball and I am so glad because he is kind of a shy kiddo sometimes.
So unfortunately the party won't be too much fun at first because Ian is SO shy and usually we go to a bday party and he sticks to me until it is almost time to go and then he if fine. Bless his heart it just takes him so long to get warmed up and feel comfortable and then we he does it is over.
Then off to the ballgame where he truley does think he is the "big man on campus". He goes up to bat while cheesing at his cheering section the whole way! Then when he gets a run he runs on homebase and then once again cheeses at his cheering squad again! It is so precious. Now the first time he got called out at 2nd his heart was broken and mine too, I felt so bad for him. I know I know it is only a game, but my sweet baby got called out for the very first time in his life and he was devasted and yes to answer your question I did have tears!
Guess I better freshen up and change out of my comfie clothes and head to our night full of events! Good weekend to all!!!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

In Memory of my Sweet Simon

The Great Puppy Debate
Ok so our sweet precious Simon got out of our fence almost 8 weeks ago and we still miss him terribly. Our house seem so different without a dog. I am one of those people that has always had a pet, so not having one is very weird. I miss Simon so much, but have finally accepted the fact that he is in someone elses home and hopefully being very well taken care of. So we have been looking at different dogs online and trying to make the big or no dog. Do we wait longer since I am going back to work or do we just jump in and get another puppy. Ian is really asking questions right now about why will Simon not come home. Why are other people lucky and get their dogs back, but Simon won't come back? He said I just knew he would come back and he hasn't.
Ok so then if we do decide to get a dog we are in the debate of big or little. You know I live in a house of boys, so Simon was my one little girly pleasure. My sweet lapdog that would follow me everywhere. Jeremy thinks we should get a big dog, but I really want a little cutie that will cuddle up with me when my boys are getting wild and wooly.
Decisions Decisions I really want a little Maltese. I found one for sale that is so cute. I loved my yorkie but I think it would be a constant reminder of him to have another. So the puppy saga continues as we try to decide is it time now or later.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Summertime Flies By.......

Why does summer have to go so fast? I mean once you hit July it just seems to fly by. I am dreading going back to work so bad especially because of the new little bundle of joy we have in our house. I know that once summer is over school starts which in turn means I have to go back to work. Unfortunately though my husband and I are definelty a two income family. So there is no option of work or no work. I decided today that I will just savor every moment that I have left. Then once school does start and I start teaching my class of kindergartners I will count the days to every weekend and holiday! So enjoy your summer days they seem to fly by faster and faster everyday!

Monday, July 9, 2007

My First Blog!

Well this is my first blog! I only started it because I have some great friends at Life Preservers Scrapbook Club have them I decided what the heck I would give it a try! Mostly I am sure I will talk about my boys which I am so proud of and my great hubby Jeremy. Can't wait to jump in and get into a routine of posting new things and pics. Thanks LPC friends for encouraging me to start my own blog!