The man who stole my heart.........

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways......................................................

1.I have spent 11 amazing years being married to the man I prayed for God to bring me when I was becoming a woman. I never knew what was in store for our lives, but had I not had Jeremy I don't know that I could have made it through some of the times in my life.

2.He still gives me butterflies in my tummy when I see him walk across the room or when he comes in from work. I can still look at him and get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I got 15 years ago when we started dating.

3.Jeremy embraces life. He lives day to day. Laughs, smiles, and enjoys. Doesn't worry about what others think he moves through each day with a smile and confidence.

4.He is not one to send a big bouquet of flowers or buy extravagant gifts, he takes time and thinks about what he is going to do. Such as a beautiful bouqet of flowers that he put together with all the flowers down to the exact same color from our wedding day(most perfect thoughtful romantic flowers ever), he doesn't just get a card he gets the perfect card and if he can't find it him and the boys make it. He knows it's the little things that warm my heart.

5.I prayed for a man like my dad. I prayed for a Godly man, a good father, a patient man, and a man that would enjoy life with me.

6.He is an amazing father. When he walks in the house every evening the boys fly into his arms, so happy to see him. He will spend every day he has off with the boys. Whether it be hanging out at home playing or taking them to a ballgame. He has a great balance with the boys, they have fun and enjoy, respect him, and listen to him at the same time.

7.One of the most important, he makes me LAUGH. I can't imagine life without laughter.

8.In the worst of times and the best of times he is there. As we always say, when we took our vows no one said it would be easy and we both know it has not, but we never waivered we never gave in we have always stood strong and stood together.

9.He is my balance. I am the planner he is the spontaneous one. I tend to be more conserative and hold back he says jump in feet first. I can stress about small things and he says relax. Nothing frazzles him. I can get so stressed out over the smallest things and Jeremy will always tell me if it gets done it gets done........no worries. Unless we are out of clean clothes then I sense a little stress :)!

10.I LOVE him with all my heart. I plan to grow old with him and carry out all the plans God has in store for our family.

Happy Anniversary Jeremy it has been an amazing 11 years!

I loves you always.

As life goes on......

Do you remember that show Life Goes On? That is what this post made me think of. I haven't posted on my blog in weeks. Partly because it proves to me that life goes on and part of me is because I have kind of avoided some of the parts of my everyday life: blog, facebook, lesson plans, etc. Well I have had to pray many nights to accept the fact that life does go on. I may not necessarily like it or be happy about the absences I have in my life, but life in fact does go on. Please don't think I do not realize how blessed I am because I am I know that. I have 2 wonderful children, an amazing husband, the most supportive and strong parents anyone could ever ask for, and the best friends in this world. However my heart still hurts, I still lay in bed at night and pray and wonder why, I still have to stop and realize at some points that this really happened. Then for my children I have to stop and realize life goes on. We still have birthdays, we still lose teeth, we still celebrate good grades at school, baseball games, potty training, etc. Somehow for a few weeks I forgot all that existed and now I am at the point of grieving where I still hurt so bad, but for the sake of my children, my husband, my family, and my friends I know that I have to accept that life does in fact go on. With that being said I am sure that I will still share some of my grief, some of my memories and most importantly my faith in God.
Two very special boys in my life celebrated very special days in the month of April. Carter turned 3 and Ian turned 8. Carter had a party at Jump Zone and it was a blast! The beauty of his party is that Bo, Lori, and the girls were there. Carter had a great time and you can tell by how incredibly sweaty he was! We got some amazing pictures of his party from a good friend of ours Brandy(thanks again Brandy, you gave us some amazing memories we had no idea at that moment how much we would appreciate them). Ian had a skating party. Ian and his friends had a great time! I actually remember seeing a few moms and dads having a great time too. Thank you to all of you that made the boys birthdays so special.


I love this picture for 2 reasons. One you can see Bo watching his nephews and daughters playing like crazy! Two I am holding one of my best friends sweet baby girl that Carter spends everyday with. I love her to pieces!

Dear Bo,

I feel like I have so much to tell you, but you aren't here, so the next best thing was to write you a letter. I really want to share it with my boys someday, so what better place to put it than my blog. I wish I could hug your neck one more time, I wish I could see my boys steal your hat one more time, I wish I could watch you throw Ian up in the pool one more time, I wish I could see you sitting on my couch with your wife and so in love one more time, I wish I could look behind me in church and see you sitting in the pew behind me one more time, I wish that I could spend one more 4th of July with you, I wish I could see you and Jeremy posing for one more goofy picture, I wish I could see you in one of your goofy Harley Davidson t-shirts one more time, I wish I could open Christmas presents with you one more time(in age order and one at a time:). There are so many wishes I have, but I have to let my pain and suffering go. I know that as soon as your soul left this Earth you crossed the golden gates of Heaven and met your Heavenly Father. You were a Godly man and as selfish as it is of me to want to have you back, I know with all my heart that you are with our saviour Jesus Christ.
Remember the Christmas we got our Laser tag? We woke up our parents shooting our laser tag everywhere with all our gear on? Remember the time you tried Skoal for the first time? I laughed my butt off and still do every time I think about it! Remember the time we drove to the 7-11 and bought coke icees, but didn't buy lids because they had the price of the drink by the cup and the lid and we thought you had to buy the cup and lid separate and we knew we wouldn't have enough money for candy, so we opted out of the lid? By the time we got home we had sticky coke everywhere! Remember the time we rode our bikes to Harps and dug through the dumpster and brought home what we thought was the best cantaloupe ever? We were so proud and our parents were laughing so hard! Remember the time your mom bought a yang load of corn and we had to shuck it for HOURS????? I still hate shucking corn to this day. Remember the time when we went camping and you mooned us every time we turned around? Remember the time we got glowworms for Easter? Remember the time you held my children for the first time? Remember the time Ian pulled Carter in a wagon at your wedding as your ring bearers? Remember the last time I saw you? I do it was at Carter's 3rd birthday. I can remember exactly what you were wearing, our exact conversation, and exactly what you had been doing. I remember hugging before you left and telling you I loved ya. I wish I had known that was the last time I would hug you. I wonder if I would have hugged you harder or longer. I know I would have, but it would have been hard. Honestly I probably wouldn't have let you go. It was so nice that you were there because you were actually working on your house that weekend and weren't even sure if you were going to get to come to Carter's party, but you did. You took a break from what you were doing and brought your family to my son's party and for that I will always be grateful. That was like your last good deed to me. I know a 3 year old birthday party was the last thing you had on your mind that weekend, but you came and praise God you did. That will be the last moment I laid my eyes on you. The last moment my children got to hug their Uncle Bo. Praise God we had that day, praise God we had that time, praise God we had that moment. For that I am so thankful.
Faith and time is the only thing that will heal my pain and heartache, memories will get me through the hard times and family will get me through each and everyday. I pray my boys can grow up with the heart, faith, determination, and strength you had.
I wish I had been there that night to hold you in your last seconds of life. I wish an angel could have moved that truck. I wish I could have seen you one more time. I can't wish or want any longer. I have to move forward and accept that you are gone. My brother has gone to Heaven. Uncle Bo has gone to Heaven.
I do want to warn you that your wild and crazy nephew is looking for a way to protect you. He said he really needs his gun(Nerf gun that is :), so that he can protect Uncle Bo and Aunt Lori and make you safe again. It broke my heart, but at the same time gave me peace and validation on how special the two of you were in his life. I already knew that Ian thought you hung the moon. He has expressed that on many occasions, but with Carter he is so young and I needed to know that he knew how special you were. He does and I know that.
I need nothing to know that you loved me. I need nothing to know how special you were. The one thing I need and I want I can't have back. I will meet you in Heaven. Sometime, someday, somehow. I pray that the good Lord allows me to raise my boys into strong men as you were. I pray that God grants Jeremy and I the time to give them the faith and values we were taught. I pray that you look down on us from Heaven and smile. I look up at you smile everyday.
I love you to Heaven and back,
Your lil sis
PS I was only your lil sis by 2 months and about a foot and a half.

I have no words

My stepbrother and his wife were killed in an accident on Saturday night. I have no words of what to say or how to express the hurt our family feels. We do have so much comfort in knowing they walked through the gates of heaven together hand in hand just as much in love as they were on this Earth. I truly believe they both waited their entire lives for one another. Destiny, fate, true love, soul mates......they were all of it. The day they married I knew I had gained not only an amazing sister in law, but also 2 beautiful nieces. Bo and I never really remember life without one another his mom and my dad married when we were both very young and we were only 2 months apart in age. These 2 amazing people were the most giving people you could ever meet. I know I have so many more things I want to say, but again I have no words. Praise God they are in Heaven, but here on Earth our hearts still ache to see them one more time, hold them one more time, watch my boys jump in their lap one more time. Bo and Lori you were two amazing people and I love you both so much. I miss you more than my heart can express. May you rest in peace.

Please pray for Taylor and Carli. Lori brought 2 beautiful girls into our family. They have a wonderful support system that will help them through each day, but pray for these girls that not only lost their mother, but lost a stepdad that was so near and dear to them.

Funeral arrangements are as follows:

Visitation-Wednesday April 6-6:00-8:00 at Backstrom-Pyeatte Funeral Home in Springdale

Funeral-Thursday April 7-12:30 at Robinson Avenue Church of Christ in Springdale, burial will follow at Fayetteville National Cemetary

An Amazing Journey-Zac's Story

When Jeremy was first diagnosed with colon cancer in June 2009 I began blogging. This was where I found comfort and I also wanted a way to document our story for our 2 boys when they were older. I have found a place to have my blog printed into a book and I am having one made for each of the boys. I just sit and think about when they are our age(still young at the ripe age of 32 :). I know that they will read our story and see our faith and think wow look at our dad, he was strong, he had faith, and he did all this for us. As I blogged I began to meet amazing and inspiring people. At that point I knew that we were not alone, that there were people going through the exact same things and feelings that we were. There is something very comforting about knowing that you are not alone and there are people out there that can say we know how you are feeling and they truly do. One day I received the sweetest email from a very supportive friend, her name is Mandy and her husband was and still is battling colon cancer. He is a 33 year old man who has Stage 4 colon cancer. He has continued to fight a very good fight. I just want to say that this family needs our prayers. The family has had to call in hospice and the fight is getting harder. However they are an inspiring family with an amazing faith. They are members of an amazing church and this video has been an inspiration during their services and also been seen across the internet. Please pray for Zac, Mandy, and their 3 children. Mandy has been an inspiration to me over the past 10 months and we continue to email back and forth each month to check on each others status. I am so thankful to our heavenly father for the glorious news we have received, but I have to say my heart hurts so bad for them. Mandy has been so wonderful in celebrating our wonderful news even as she prepares to deal with something we never thought we would have to deal with at the young age of 33. I pray for this family everyday. I ask God to wrap his arms around them and let them be blessed in each and everyday they have left together. I think so much of you Mandy. Sending lots of love, hugs, and prayers to your family.

This is a link to the video that was produced through their church. It is such an inspiring video on Zac's faith and his story:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ojj02nobl4
Here is Zac's inspiring blog:
http://hellorighton.com/

Kites one day...........SNOW the next

Friday was Kite day at our school. This has been a tradition at Asbell for about 40 years. The kids love it and it is especially great when the weather is so beautiful. I have been at this school for almost 11 years and this has to be the most beautiful perfect kite day we have ever had. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and the kids were having a great time!!!! Jeremy came over on his lunch to help Ian fly his kite. Thank goodness because I am a great picture taker, but not much of a kite flier

Then 1 day later we have this.........................................................................................................

Isn't that crazy! I mean the weather man kept saying snow, but this is a BLIZZARD. Well to us folks in Arkansas it is anyway! So Sunday morning we got up and went to church(along with only 9 other people!) and then came home to build a snowman. This was our first snowman all together! It was fun, but super COLD! Carter doesn't have much time for building because he has to eat as much snow as possible while we are out there. We have to watch him like a hawk because he will just pick up ANY snow and eat it! It was a great day, but this is some CRAZY weather. The last time I remember having snow like this on spring break was in 1999 the spring before Jeremy and I graduated and got married. We came up to see my Dad and Jannie over spring break and got a TON of snow. This is exactly what it reminds me of. I must say though that snow is much more fun with 2 wild boys to play with in it! Weather in Arkansas! Who would have thought sunshine on Friday and snow on Sunday! Did I mention that we now have a foot and the snow is still falling?

Dear Spring Break,

I have been counting the days until you arrive. I only have to wait your arrival 2 more days and I cannot wait. Please please please be everything I have dreamed of. We have no plans, but to enjoy the whole week and play. I hope you live up to all my expectations. Oh yes and if the sun could shine that would be wonderful. Look forward to seeing you soon!!!! I can honestly say you actually can't get here soon enough.
All my Love,
Jill

P.S. If Carter could become full time potty trained over the break that would be absolutely blissful!