Monday, July 27, 2009

2 year olds miss nothing

Through this process who really knows how much Carter realizes and how much he doesn't. I mean I have told you how he is fascinated with daddy's owies and medicine, but beyond that I have been wondering how different life really is to him. Well this morning it all became a little more clear to me. He was laying in bed with Jeremy and I this morning, well actually he got in bed with us about 5am:), but luckily went back to sleep! Then we all slept until 8, so we were laying there cuddling with him and listening to him sing and talk. All of a sudden he gets up on his knees and turns to Jeremy and says, "I miss you" and he said it with the most honest and sincere voice. First it of course broke my heart and I had tears, but then as I thought about it as the day went on I realized even though he doesn't realize the details and the actual illness itself, he realizes daddy is sick and that things are not normal in his life right now. Of course as a mom that is hard because you want your children's lives to be perfect even though you know that life is not perfect, but on the flip side I am so glad that we have been open and honest and that a small part of his young little vulnerable mind does understand.
The last couple days have been difficult and I can honestly say we are all very tired and getting by on strong faith and prayer. Unfortunately Jeremy has continued to be very uncomfortable and sick the past few days. However the good news is he has been able to rest, so sleep has definitely been his best medicine. Today the sick stomach hit, but he was a trooper and made it through. His energy level was up a little today, but it is still going to be a rough week for him. I think the most stressful part for the both of us is knowing that his body has to do it again next week. We go see his oncologist on Wednesday for a follow up for his first treatment. Hopefully after going over the side effects that he had maybe there are some meds that would be an option for him. I mean there is nothing that you can do about the tired lethargic feeling, but hopefully knowing how he did as far as being very achy and sick there is something that can make him a little more comfortable.
Please direct your prayer towards this because we both had planned on returning to work next week and now are both questioning this decision and how it will work for either of us. We know it will work out and we know that God has a plan for us, so as we have stated before we are taking it one day at a time and each day is different and has different answers for us.
We are very excited about our special visitor tomorrow! Jeremy's Grandma Dean is coming tomorrow and if it gives you any idea the equivalence of how excited Jeremy is about her visit it would compare to Barney showing up at the front door to see Carter or Pujols showing up to see Ian! Jeremy and his Grandma are very close and have been since he was little, so he is very excited that his Uncle Larry and Aunt Carolyn are coming and bringing her for a visit. It will just be a day visit, but could be some of the best medicine for Jeremy.

Ok so before I go I have to share one funny story, ok funny now, but wasn't funny about 4 hours ago. Tonight I was picking the house up and cleaning up after dinner and Jeremy was in our bedroom(yes the one he did not want me to move :) all kicked back and we both heard this giggling coming from the bathroom.....Carter.......Jeremy said what do you think he is doing I of course had no idea so we tiptoed to the door and the giggling turned to full out belly laughing. When I peeped through the door I didn't know if I should laugh or cry! Carter had our dog Bella's favorite giraffe(which Carter calls a cow!) that is a stuffed animal and he was slinging it into the toilet and then slinging water EVERYWHERE! I ran into the bathroom and said HOLY (not sure what I was going to finish with could have been cow, crap, moley, I was pretty mad so use your imagine if you wish) and Carter starts going HOLY COW HOLY COW HOLY COW. So I look back because Jeremy WAS behind me and I am thinking ok daddy step in I know you don't feel good but honest to goodness I was about to bust a gut from laughing. Well my backup was GONE and I am sure you can guess why........he was doubled over in the recliner because he was laughing so hard. Much help......I think not! So I realize I am going to have to pull myself together and send Carter to time out, I mean I do not want him to think he can just take anyone's things and play in the toilet water. Well believe you me I pulled myself together real fast because I looked down and realized that Ian had just gone to the bathroom and yes you already know the rest of the story.................he did NOT flush. Ok so my laughter stopped I was mad and disgusted because all that supposed water everywhere.......... The story ended with Carter in time out saying I sorry I sorry I sorry, Ian helping me clean the entire mess up(bet he will flush from now on!), and all 3 of us taking showers. Needless to say everyone was showered and quickly put to bed! What a day!

Thank yous:
*Thank you to Kasi for the yummy dinner that she surprised us with on Sunday. We were planning on eating leftovers and Sunday was such a rough day so it was such a nice surprise.
*Thank you to Pat for the great dinner tonight and to Linda for delivering it.

Thank you for the continued prayers we are so appreciative of you all. Sending lots of love and hugs to you all.


Reba said...

Oh, I was just so sad reading Carter's words, but at the same time, what a sweet thing to say. You are right...they may be little but they understand the grand scheme! On the same note, what a funny ending to the day...I know it may not have felt funny when you were showering. :) That kind of stuff can SO happen at my house. :) So even though life is a little different right now, at the same time, it is pretty normal. Has to be with kids around. :)

Michelle Greene said...

I found your blog from "Kelly's Korner" Just wanted you to know that we are lifting up your husband in prayers and for the entire family as well. God is good!!!

mandy said...

Hi there. I found you thru Kelly's Corner. I tried to find a way on your site to contact you by email but this will do. I have been reading your past posts, I have so much emotion with all of this I just don't know what exactly to say. My husband, who is 32, was diagnosed with stage IV colon cancer that has spread to his liver. We have three small children. He had a port placed on June 9th and is now on is 4th round of chemo. The drugs he is taking are the same as your husbands. Some of the things you have said just made me cry and cry. No one this whole time can truly understand what it is like to watch your husband go through this. You do. I am so encouraged by what you have to say. I hope you don't mind that I continue to read your blog. I will keep your family in my prayers...just wanted to share all that with you.
Mandy Smith

mandy said...

I am so sorry I just have to add somethings...I read more of your blog.I feel like I am reading some of my own thoughts and words...coming from someone else! My Husband went to have a colonoscopy in May, where they found a lemon sized tumor. He was having some trouble and they thought it was something little. That is the only reason he even went for a colonoscopy. They biopsied the mass to find out it was cancerous. He had surgery to remove the tumor and a little over two feet of his colon, then another surgery 3 weeks later to have port put in. He goes every other week for chemo. Wears a fanny pack with a pump for 48 hours. Right now the good days outnumber the bad but the have told us that will soon change. I just had to share all that with you. I feel like our stories are so similar. The Dr. told us he was on in a million...let's make that two! If you ever want to talk or need encouragement or prayer, I will give you my email addy. Thanks again..sorry the comment is so long. I just feel like everything happens for a reason. :)

Anonymous said...

Jill, we are still praying for you all! Hoping Jeremy continues to stay strong and feels a little better soon.

Hope you don't mind... I added you to my blog friends.

Jill said...

Mandy you have GOT to leave me your email we have GOT to chat more. I read your messages from y phone while sitting at the oncology clinic and could not wait to sit down tonight and read both messages. I am so glad you found me and you are so right....2 in a million. Please let me know your email or if you have a blog so we can share stories and cry and laugh together.

mandy said...

Hey there! Glad to hear back from you. My husband actually had his 4th round yesterday. So, we are right in the prime of the "bad week" as we call it. I don't have a blog but my husband does.. It is his personal blog as he goes through all of this. My email is I look forward to sharing stories and maybe being able to help each other :) How is your husband feeling today? I read he had his 1st round a few days back. Are the side effects lessening?
Talk to you later

Leah said...

Carter story...hilarious!